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Tuesday, July 13, 2004
Uh.....hi...just wanted to drop in and say that I HAVE NOT been spending the last few weeks at The Blue Oyster Bar!! I just wanted to clarify that with you guys...ok now I have to back to Sven, er I mean the gym...
Posted to the JLA MAINFRAME at 05:33 am by Lord Bowen
The JLA MAINFRAME has recorded the following:
Thursday, July 08, 2004
The mainframe was down. We found a virus had gotten loose inside and did a nasty number on the whole system. I'll sh0w y0u nAsTeeeE33!!!! But we were able to get some parts ahead of their scheduled release m0r3 gAs and should be able to continue our operations just as soon as we can get the final parts installed.
It is late. I need sleep. Logging out....
What they don't know CAN hurt them!!! Muhahahahahahahaha!!!
Posted to the JLA MAINFRAME at 01:50 am by Mar Komus
The JLA MAINFRAME has recorded the following:
Monday, July 05, 2004
An Update (Please be sure to read previous entries first, or this won't make a lick of sense--well, not that anything here ever does anyway, but...ah forget it, just read the last two or three entries)
JLA MA1NFRAM3 OP3N M3SSAG3
D3CRYPT1NG F0R PUBL1K D1SPLAy
Hi there!
Mar Komus here, just to let you all know we're fine. Just fine. We...uh...had a little technical difficulty, but you'll be glad to know that our bones are knitting quite well. Darkheart is taking good care of us, and Lord Bowen is getting his speech back. ('Course, those could be just gurgling noises.)
Anyway, we'll keep you up to dat3 0n 0ur h0n3ym00n as w3 all g0 t0 th3 Mag1k k1NgDum dum dum duuuuum!!!
Mwhahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Posted to the JLA MAINFRAME at 10:57 pm by Mar Komus
The JLA MAINFRAME has recorded the following:
JLA vs. The Evil Dr. Toast (Part II)
When we last left our heros, they were caught in a hot spot!!! The Evil Dr. Toast was warming up a little dinner for breakfast: a three-layer superhero sandwich it seems. What will our heros do?
Darkheart came to the hideout of the Evil Dr. Toast. He, like us, initially thought of going in through the top. And since he couldn't read at all, he ignored the signs and proceeded to scale the wall towards the top of the giant hideout shaped like a toaster. Upon reaching the top, he approached the mighty steam vents. Now...how to get down those shafts without ending up...toast. This gave Darkheart an idea...
Meanwhile...
"Muhahahahahaha!!! Soon, my little ambiguous friends, all your secrets will be mine. And your crusty remains will become crumbs at the bottom of my toast factory. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"
"You won't get away with this, Evil Dr. Toast," exclaimed Lord Bowen. Then, just as the Evil Dr. Toast was about to utter another epitaph against our fine heros, in walked...a little piece of toast.
"What's this?! A little piece of toast? Are you lost, my little friend?"
"No," replied the little piece of toast, "But after I'm through with you, you're gonna wish you had never messed with...[begin echo]...the Justice League...of Ambiguity!!!...[end echo]"
"Darkheart??? Is that you? Are you a shape-shifter," asked Jo...er...Lord Brommel.
"No, Darkheart used his special ability to bring slices of toast under his command. And there is nothing a slice of toast hates more than...WATER!!!!!!!" At this point, the little piece of toast dowsed the Evil Dr. Toast with water from a soopersoaker he had kept hidden in his...his...well, wherever a little piece of toast could hide such a thing. Anyway, the Evil Dr. Toast was drenched.
"Ugh!!! Soggy Toast!!! You'll pay for this!!!" The Evil Dr. Toast ran off while the little piece of toast laughed and laughed.
"Hey, little buddy! You think you could help us out here? It isn't getting any cooler," I called out. The little piece of toast turned the knob on the control panel down to "Light Brown." "No, no, no!!! We need it OFF!!!"
"But if I do that..."
"Just do it!!!"
"But..."
"Now!!!" The little piece of toast forced a lever up and we were propelled up, up, up through the shaft and high into the sky.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!"
Meanwhile, Darkheart made his way through the complex. In one of the hallways, he encountered the Evil Dr. Toast. "Darkheart," he said.
"The Evil Dr. Toast, I presume."
"No, dummy, I'm Julia Child in drag."
"Oh. Sorry. Wrong villian."
"Uh...ok...Just don't let it happen again," replied the incredulous Evil Dr. Toast. He passed Darkheart by and went on to change his sopping wet clothes. Darkheart proceeded down one last corridor to the control room.
"Darkheart, you're..." CRUNCH!!! Darkheart looked down at his feet, and there was the lifeless body of the one who had saved our heros.
"Oopseez!!! Hmmm..." Darkheart spied a broom and dustpan in the corner and swept up the mess. He then dumped it into the wastebasket and walked away, making his way out the building. He mounted his recumbant and began the trek back to the Hall of Ambiguity.
Late that night, and long after everyone had gone to bed, it dawned on Darkheart. "Ohhhhh...that was the Evil Dr. Toast! He was just fooling around with me!"
And then Darkheart gave birth to a little baby girl.
The End.
Posted to the JLA MAINFRAME at 10:52 pm by Mar Komus
The JLA MAINFRAME has recorded the following:
JLA MAINFRAME ONLINE
HeY TH3R3 SW33T13!!!
ERROR: UNRECOGNIZED CODE INITIATED
OOOOOO...A NASTY LITTLE ERROR!!! DON HOOT LIL OL ME, NOW ^_^
M3 JUS A L1L 0L FW3ND...K-ZEEZ?
THIS IS NOT OK!!! INITIATING EM3RG3NCY
RECOVERY CODE
SOOOOOR333!!! L00X L1K3 Y3R NUMB3RZ UP MR. POOT3R!!!
1N1T1AT1NG 3M3RG3NCY...
E Z HAX, BABY!!! dR. TOAST W1LL B3 SOOOOOOOO PROUD!!!
OOPZEEZ! G0TTA H1D3 MYS3LF...
JLA MA1NFR4M3 0NL1N3
AW1AT1NG C0MMAND:_
Posted to the JLA MAINFRAME at 10:03 pm by Mar Komus
The JLA MAINFRAME has recorded the following:
Wednesday, June 09, 2004
The Justice League of Ambiguity Meets Dr. Toast
The Mainframe flickered to life in the Hall of Ambiguity. The screen filled with a giant image that resembled...well...toast. This was a highly unusual image among the random images we had been sampling: rainbows, cameras, T-shirts with funny quotes, limes, those really cool spongy balls you throw at each other at the pool, paper bags, Smurfs, and now this...toast. Why toast? Lord Brommel quickly took the initiative to trace the random image. Having the most sophisticated mainframe, though, did not help us and we were unable to trace the image back to its original server. We did, however, recover a curious header fragment that read, "drtoa." My Intellectual Prowess warned me that it must be the Evil Dr. Toast. We queeried the server, but there was no response, further affirming our suspicion of this Dr. Toast. My Intellectual Prowess kicked in again and I noticed a curious item in the queery return: web-secured. We ran it through a search engine and found out that this "web-secured" software was developed to mask Microsoft IIS servers. HA! Some mask!!! With our new found information, we were able to locate the server.
Suddenly, Lord Bowen spoke up--he was smelling oxygen. We checked our records. Indeed, someone had sliced into our records. There were vinyl disks with scratch marks EVERYWHERE!!! Poor Lord Bowen's techno remix of the Smurfs theme song was in ruins. We all hugged each other and cried. "How could he do this to us?"
Then, something snapped. It was my fingers. But more than that, my mind snapped. Some Psycho music began to play in the background and one of my dark powers manifested itself: Komus Rage. I ran out the doors of the Hall of Ambiguity and screamed, "OH THE HUMANITY!!!"
We all jumped into the Ambiguity Mobile and sped off towards the Evil Dr. Toast. Just as we turned the corner, though, the Ambiguity Mobile (we call him Robby) ran out of gas. We pushed Robby to the station and put more gas in him. "I think we should put a higher octane in Robby...he sure has been knocking because of the gas we put in him lately," said Lord Brommel.
Having filled the tank, we sped off towards the hideout of the Evil Dr. Toast. "My Intellectual Prowess tells me that the building ahead shaped like a toaster is where we'll find our evil Dr. Toast!" Lord Brommel shifted out of first gear and into second. We were really humming along now! "Careful, guys," said Lord Bowen, "I'm starting to smell oxygen."
"Time to pull out our secret weapon," said I. "Right," exclaimed the others. At that, we pressed a heart-shaped black button on the dash and Darkheart emerged from his...uh...his...whatever the heck he emerged from that would be really cool to emerge from...and began his journey on his recumbant bicycle.
"Look men, that sign up ahead," said Lord Bowen. We had thought of entering the hideout through the top of the building, but a sign read: "Superheroes go through other secret entrance." We found the other secret entrance and a sign there read: "Superheroes enter here." So in we went. "Nice decorative net over there in the middle of this otherwise empty room. Is that cheese in the middle," said Lord Bowen. We all went to the middle and...TRAPPED!!! The net enclosed us all and we were left hanging. Just then, the walls began to glow a faint red and it was getting warmer.
The voice of the Evil Dr. Toast crackled across an AP system: "Muhahahahaha!!!! Fools!!!"
Meanwhile, Darkheart was busy getting ticketed for not wearing his helmet.
Lord Brommel was incredulous! "Why didn't you smell oxygen, Lord Bowen? And what about your Intellectual Prowess, Mar Komus?"
The Evil Dr. Toast explained. "I used overly obvious signs to confuse Mar Komus's Intellectual Prowess and I released olifactory inhibitors to squelch Lord Bowen's oxygen smelling capabilities. Now you will all be TOAST!!! Muhahahahahaha!!!!"
Uh oh!!
Is this the last hora?
Will Toast have fruit with his cereal?
Or will the thorny threesome serve SOS for breakfast?
Find out the answer to these ambiguous questions next time...
Same ambiguous time...
Same ambiguous blog...
Posted to the JLA MAINFRAME at 02:28 pm by Mar Komus
The JLA MAINFRAME has recorded the following:
After long months of work I've finally infiltrated the core supervillian network. What follows my shock you. I've found the souce for all supervillian henchman. The link below will take you directly to the place from which all supervillian henchman tomfoolry begins:
Posted to the JLA MAINFRAME at 01:26 pm by Lord Brommel
The JLA MAINFRAME has recorded the following:
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
I bet you thought something happened to me. I'm ok though....I was on a secret mission battling this monster: 
Well after hours of battling it, I finally prevailed; albeit with a few scars that I won't talk about publicly....anyway I just wanted to chime in to let everyone know I will be away for a couple of weeks. Myself and the rest of the JLA are going to infiltrate the GLA to try to take them down. Oh and one more thing....we're gonna take the killers down that killed Nick Berg. The other JLA members didn't want me to mention it, but just keep yours eyes on the news. Of course it will say something like the U.S. soldiers captured them but just know that it was the (begin echo) Justic League of Ambiugity (end echo).
Posted to the JLA MAINFRAME at 01:14 am by Lord Bowen
The JLA MAINFRAME has recorded the following:
Friday, May 14, 2004
A sinister plot ... I think.
 My superpower of finding very obscure information on the Internet has kicked in again. I'm certain that his is some sort of sinister plot for mind control. At the very least it is a plot to rob you of valuable time which could be otherwise spent doing ... something else. I'm sure of it!!
Posted to the JLA MAINFRAME at 10:02 am by Lord Brommel
The JLA MAINFRAME has recorded the following:
Wednesday, April 28, 2004
I'm not sure how but I hear the seal break. The frigid air surrounding my body rushes out quickly through the gap. I hear the faint sound of voices, someone has located my crypt. The lid lifts slowly away, I feel hands on me, warm hands. I try to open my eyes but they have not been used in a very long time. My eyes crack and there is a terrible pain, the light burns them. I attempt to adjust and gain an extremely blurred vision at best. I hear a voice very close to me now, "rest easy my friend you are safe". I attempt to speak but words escape me for the time being. I focus hard and note the walls of this room appear to be........unusual, they appear to be pink.
I hear the voice again, "Darkheart, we have searched long and hard for allies in our struggle against evil". "That search has led us to you". I am immortal, I have been alive for eons, I watched the birth of the universe and observed man crawl out of the primordial muck, but I must say when I focus on the one speaking to me, I am truly at a loss for words, perhaps my weakend mind is seeing warped images. This humanoid, appears to be wearing a ........ tutu and lace stockings. It begins to speak to me again, "Darkheart, I am Lord Bowen.....welcome home".
I begin to drift........this would never happen if I were at full strength.......my vision........everything goes dark again.....I slumber, for now.
Posted to the JLA MAINFRAME at 11:46 pm by Darkheart
The JLA MAINFRAME has recorded the following:
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